The Worst Pitch EVER?!? (discuss)
- toby wray
- Mar 21
- 3 min read
“This is the basic video which is awful, it’s the one everyone makes and no-one will watch it, I don’t recommend it”
I’ve had the pleasure and pain of pitching to many clients, some more imaginative than others. There’s a certain type of project I’ve come to realise is mainly a vanity project for SME owners/directors. Some of you will be nodding already, you turn up for a recce and it’s already pretty obvious which way things will go, the company clearly doesn’t invest much in marketing, there is little to no print material, what there is it out of date. The website is old and tired looking, like most of the employees and the decor in the office. The break room smells of microwave fish and a cleaner waves a dirty mop in the direction of the floor to no effect. I might be exaggerating but you follow my drift I hope.
I usually pitch 3 ideas to clients, the expensive one we’d all love to make with CGI spaceships and Tom Cruise jumping out of a helicopter at the end, the more achievable mid range that daintily underlines the customer’s brand whilst achieving a quirky nonchalance that will definitely be a hit with their clients and the predictable cheap one. Making this last video interesting and successful is hard and without a marketing campaign of some description it will probably die on it’s backside. Don’t get me wrong, they can be very useful if well shot, well targeted and constructed to illustrate products and processes alongside a presentation; these smaller tired companies I’m talking about here though won’t do that. What these directors I’m talking about want, if they were honest, is some time in front of camera so they can share it with their friends and family. They aren’t really thinking about the company at all.
A few years ago I got to a point with clients of this calibre where I’ll admit, I lost the will to live. So I would duly make the pitch which I know they want all along, I would begin with “This is the basic video which is awful, it’s the one everyone makes and no-one will watch it, I don’t recommend it. We show lots of product and process shots whilst we intercut with an interview with yourself or someone in marketing. It’s predictable, there are thousands like it out there that have between zero to ten views.” I would then go on to my other ideas in vain hopes they would see my years of experience and pay a bit extra. One particular client actually said to me “You know the one you said wouldn’t work and we shouldn’t choose it, that’s the one we want,” I have to give him credit for that bold move. Nine times out of ten I would get it right and the client would pick this first idea no matter how badly I sold it. Sometimes I’ll go back and visit their accounts to see how badly it’s doing, buried 5 pages in to their website like a lost paperclip behind a filing cabinet.
Needless to say I don’t pitch that idea at all any more, I have lots of more innovative ideas that don’t actually cost that much. A word to the wise though, if you pitch me an idea and I say something subtle like, this is rubbish and it won’t work, I may well be right, then again what do I know?
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